A couple of days ago I wrote about “Who to Please When Planning Your Wedding” and it occurred to me I never truly closed the loop on how to handle unruly family and friends when you are planning your wedding.
While I’m not a family therapist, and have no intention of becoming one, (although some days I do feel like I play the role) I often have to step in and iron out family matters and smooth over ruffled feathers.
The truth is, families are complicated and they get even more complicated when planning a wedding. The mothers want to feel like they are contributing, especially when there is a planner involved. Some siblings want to help, but aren’t sure where they are needed. And others members of the family really don’t care or perhaps they care too much.
So what is a bride to do when it comes to planning her wedding and dealing with family dynamics? Communication is the key…While it may not solve all problems and while not everyone involved will truly understand, communication is the key to almost any relationship.
I often recommend to my brides and grooms who have sticky family relationships to sit down and clearly communicate what their vision is for their wedding. Notice, I said “their”. It’s because it is about the bride and the groom, that’s not to say others opinions shouldn’t be counted, but in the end it is about the bride and groom. By clearly communicating what they desire it will hopefully be a springboard for how others will react and respect their choices.
Also, by clearly communicating the roles they wish family members to take it will help set boundaries and in the end open the lines of communication. I’m not saying there won’t be heated discussions here and there, but what I am saying is that if everyone comes together and clearly communicates their desires, their wants and their “don’t want’s” then it puts everyone on the same page and it creates mutual respect.
Again, I’m not a therapist, and I don’t pretend to be one, but after many years of planning weddings with hundreds of different personalities' the one thing I’ve learned is that if everyone is on the same page, whether they want to be or not, it does make planning a wedding a bit easier.
Until next time…